This has got to be Madonna's most fun music video.
The music video opens with Madonna coming out (she pushed the door down!) of a perfect, cookie-cutter house out into a perfect, cookie-cutter neighborhood while pushing a black baby stroller. Then, oh no! The local varsity football team is on the loose at Wysteria Lane! But fear not, Miss Madge is friends with them (who knew?). They take out a big orange road block sign for her! And then, oh hey! it's Nicki Minaj or Roman Zolanski and M.I.Am.A.Middle-Eastern.Rapper.And.I'm.Proud.Of.It.A!
The fearsome threesome walk for a little bit until it, like, starts raining gold. Like literally, liquid gold rains over Madonna. Must be the tears of the angels at looking how great she look at 52! Quickly, the football team runs towards her with open umbrellas to shield her from the rain of gold (it makes your hair frizz) and even put their letterman jackets on top of puddles of gold as Madonna walks by very "oh yeah, thanks boys, whatever."
Madonna is sporting a gorgeous blonde 'do in this video, but what's more is when she takes of her khaki-colored trench-coat she's wearing an amazing, legless black outfit. To. Die. For.
Then the football players effortlessly pull a taxi in half so Madonna can walk by uninterrupted by its presence! These scenes in the utopian neighborhood are intercut with scenes of Madge in a beautiful black getup, wearing a giant gold cross and strutting her stuff like she's a 20-year-old.
Then she does something that your faves could never: she has the football players lift her up and she walks sideways on a wall. Not only does she do this, but she looks flawless while doing so. It's just too much.
After that the song's two featured artists appear with some anime mask-wearing cheerleaders. Miss Minaj is wearing a stunning red, white, and red dress and playing with her pom-poms (not like that) while M.I.A. wears a cool-looking letterman jacket and cheers along effortlessly. The girls join Madonna as she walks down a red carpet and later veers off into a sketchy-looking alley. This can't be good.
And it's not! Some random music hater pulls up in his car and starts shooting Madonna! But does she notice? No, not at all. She continues and strolls, sings the lyrics to her song while numerous football players throw themselves and take many bullets for her. They were benchwarmers anyway. Then, Madge finds a giant pile of football players and decides to climb them, and lo and behold there's a door to a super secret club that she somehow manages to get into (there's not even a bouncer?).
But before that, something amazing happens. Madonna pretends to breastfeed a baby doll. It's amazing. You must watch it.
But back to the club, she goes through the door and emerges on the other side wearing... an outfit that looks like the one she wore in the "Vogue" music video and she also has a curly, blonde wig and so do Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. and they all kinda do a little dance and you totally die during it so watch it three times to get the full effect!!
Nicki raps her verse and looks all sorts of amazing, then Madonna sings her little bridge part while doing a robot-esque dance, and while M.I.A. does her thing Madonna totally steals the show by winking, throwing kisses, and looking seductively into the camera. What can you do, it's Madonna. Do you see how far she bends right there? Your faves...never.
After than Madonna effortlessly falls as countless muscly, footballer arms try effortlessly to catch her till she reaches the bottom, and two very efficient quarterbacks run through a wall to catch the queen.
Then all three of the girls get on a stage and dance and rave outdoors with all the football players and cheerleaders a whole high school district could ever dream to have.
And it's all flawless.
That is all.
What do you think about Madonna's new music video? How does it compare to her other iconic videos? Comments greatly appreciated!
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